I don’t know if I should even write this post seeing as I highlighy doubt there are regular readers/viewers to my vlog my blog. But that’s okay. I remembered that I don’t primarily write for other people. Sure, if my content makes people feel some type of way I am happy. But even in the absence of attention I would still like to express myself via words. And so I am.
BACK to the point. Why I’ve been AWOL? I’ve been lazy and scared.
This is harsh considering that I’ve just completed my first year of university experiencing, juggling and working through a lot. I’ve transformed so much and in the light of that I allowed things that I used to put a lot of effort in to take a back seat as I just experienced and let myself be young. Not to mention I was busy af. Then, since school blew over I’ve been at home being a lazy cat and trying to muster enough motivation to give my life some new shape and meaning.
That shits hard.
Hard for me because I’ve finally come to this crossroad in the child-to-adult transition where I finally admit and accept that I cannot become amazing at every single one of my hobbies and interests. Even when if I was working at “full capacity” as I have strived to in the past I wasn’t allowing myself the time to just absorb. And I learnt that I need that balance between high productivity and ‘floating’ time for my personal growth . So I’m going to have to let go of a few goals and things I thought I would eventually come back to in the summer. Maybe I’ll pick them up again in the future- who knows. But for now on my path I am giving myself p
I didn’t know what to post up first. My ideas feel like clouds and whilst I’ve worked on some pretty substantial stuff over the past academic year, I’ve also catalogued lots of ideas I’m just no longer feeling and thus was in a kind of “MEH” about coming on here and sharing half baked ideas and writing.
Ambivalence towards a piece of your work is usually not a great feeling for me. Usually means I should just toss it but I’m too afraid of losing. In a way. But I am facing tem fears as of now and will forge on to write.
SO the point?
The point is I’m going to start posting as regularly as possible. I want my writing to improve. I want people to read my stuff and follow my life in a more personal and intimate way (if you want to. Not as voyeuristic as Social Media).
In many ways it scares me because I know that out of all my SM presence, this is as personal and vulnerable as I get. But it’s also exciting. I can’t wait to document and take you with me on my life’s journey.