You’ve married an Icarus and he’s flown too close to the sun
I relate to people/characters like Hamilton (insert other examples when I remember them) so much is because (not despite) of their disadvantage they are spurred to greatness. Their live ooze productivity seemingly conjuring up opportunities from no where. Of course we acknowledge that their climb to success is due to their insane work ethic as well as a bit of talent. But rarely do we really understand what their struggle meant. The indecisiveness, exhaustion, burnouts, ruined relationships and psychological complexes that stem from gigantic dreams and the dangerous determination to achieve them.
Being a polymath is a double edged sword.
I relate in that drive. An acute awareness and inner push that they can and should be doing so much more with their time. The nagging idea at the back of your mind that “history has it’s eyes on you.” I don’t know what or when but it does feel like I’m constantly running towards the end of something. Training and preparing for some event of experience in the future.
Doubt however is an eternal weed in this garden. Ironically, successful people who have already done so much struggle with doubt that they may not be able to achieve everything else they dream of. What if I’m being an Icarus here and trying to spin too many plates – taking a bigger bite than I can chew. Should you size down? Could I even live with that? Hopefully it doesn’t become something I regret; not going 100% but again if I fall into the sea because I wanted too much could I ever comeback from that?
Despite seemingly a bit abstract and too philosophical for daily pondering, it is a tangible fear we wrestle with. One that could threaten the very fabric of who you are but nevertheless a subject to tackle with for the rest of your life.
To people on the outside it’s either insane or inspirational. It is both.
On the inside it is a universe of chaos that just makes sense.