BFFL-The Empty Promise

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.

-Robert Frost

Something hit me today-something poignant and so real that it almost hurts. Nothing lasts forever; People come and go. More specifically close friends and family.

I don’t meant this in a generic way. I’m talking about those people in your life who you automatically assume will be there tomorrow, next year and in 10 years because you love them so much and couldn’t imagine a future without them.

We are born alone into this world and no matter what we will leave it alone. Our path as human beings really is individual which pricks me because I am a people-person. I love meeting new people and continuing old friendships. But nothing I ever do will change the fact that people who I have so much history (great memories and a deep emotional connection) with will become strangers and we’ll never make new memories or continue that relationship.

 

Up until now, I’ve clung on to a naïve hope that my closest friends now will be there in my future; that we will fulfil our dreams of travelling and living together and raising kids at the same time. But it isn’t true and that makes me feel so sad and angry at the same time.

I’m sad because I realise that these hopes without plans are just childish dreams. For me they get my hopes up and if there’s no point I feel as if I no longer want to take part in them. I’m sad because it seems like I’m the only one who realises it or cares. I’m sad because I feel like I’m the only one who really wanted to live these dream out and was willing to defy societal and cultural expectations to be happy with these people.

But I’m not going to circle the globe for someone who wouldn’t do the same for me.

So it makes me angry when I feel like I’m the only one fighting for friendships and a future together. I don’t want to try anymore. I’m angry that people are so willing to toss whatever relationship we had away. I don’t want to be the most important thing in peoples’ lives but I had the naïve belief that maybe we’re not all just talk and maybe we would do it. I’m angry because I love so damn hard and I’m so scared to let go.

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.

-Albert Einstein

Like riding a bike, it can be challenging and scary but a fun, beautiful adventure all the same.

The truth is other people don’t value things like you do. Other people are not as sentimental or as people-orientated as you are. In many cases people will walk right out of your life never looking back once at the friendship you thought was for life. I’ve been so scared of this my whole life because it’s been done over and over.

Obviously, we need to believe that the people who are really meant to be here in our present will but it doesn’t always work like that.  I guess the best thing is to live in the moment and make the most beautiful memories. But don’t get too caught up with the details because chances are they don’t even care as much. Then when time comes, don’t make empty promises. Say your good-byes and move on looking for the next beautiful adventure. Then you’ll hopefully be able to look back with fondness

Sigh.

I realise that this is kind of my curse to bear in my life.

Nothing lasts forever.

 

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