Why I don’t wear Makeup

If you’re reading this, you’ve probably been directed here by me for a better explanation as to why I don’t wear make up or you’re just generally interested. Anywho, I’ll make it short!

What’s my background? Growing up, my sisters and I  were not allowed to wear makeup- we were too young and religiously/culturally they wanted us to remain “pure” (it’s against our religion to wear makeup and jewellery) and I always adhered to it. It wasn’t hard not to conform when I was 14 and everyone began to try. It was not until my younger sister started doing here eyebrows and eyeliner to school when the issue of makeup reared its head into our family. At first they were very firm about it; we were going for our education they argued plus it wasted money. Eventually, with her fighting spirit she wore them down and suddenly I was allowed to wear makeup…but didn’t want to. Now I have tried doing it daily, I wear it to prom (only lol) and I love watch tutorials. So I do have experience and am not coming from  a biased ‘never tried never will’ perspective.

So here are a few of the reasons why I don’t wear makeup:

  1. I feel more self conscience with make up on. Whilst it gives many confidence, it does the opposite with me because I feel like it draws attention to me. Even when I do it alright, I wonder if other people think it’s aright. Because it is possible to look like a mess with and without makeup, I choose the latter so that I have an excuse.
  2. I touch my face a lot and do a lot of weird expressions. This characteristic does not mix well with a painted face.
  3. I am lazy. Mornings are for starting my day as productive and happily as I can. I have little time or patience to make sure my face only (which occupies like 1/25 of your body’s surface area) is on fleek.
  4. I am practical person. I neither have time nor inclination to look pretty whilst cooking, cleaning , studying or doing my homework. Plus, I have many other things to spend my money on rather than makeup.
  5. It doesn’t feel like me. For me personally, it ties in with the Authenticity thing. I feel more authentic when I don’t wear any. I want average guys to bypass me and for the real men worth my time to notice and like my personality first. Like most people, I want to be loved for my beautiful inside and plain outside before my beautiful outside and plain inside is revealed.

SO this isn’t a decisive, conclusive post-it’s just how I feel about myself at the moment. It is a personal decision. I do not judge others who choose to wear makeup (men and women); I even admire those who can. But for me I’d rather not. It shouldn’t make me any more or less of a woman and I shouldn’t be chastised by society for not conforming to this ideal.

 

Thandi x

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Today is my Birthday

SO this post is different-more like a diary like entry about my feelings today on this my birthday.

Today I am 18.

To many (e.g. church peeps) it feels like I have regressed in a way- I am no longer as bubbly and loveable as I used to be, I do not enjoy their socials as much and I am not afraid to sit in silence or walk away from a conversation that disgusts me. To them I have a darker energy. In reality I just no longer feel inclined to pretend for them anymore. I am more authentic and complete and imperfect. I have grown but in a place of facades I have really shrunk. That’s okay.

Today I am 18.

A legal adult but culturally I am still a child-not much different from my 14 year old self. It’s a Saturday night and I am not going out drinking or having a big party (like I always dreamed). But I’m okay with that. I know that I am strong enough to fight for what I really want (e.g. independence to live on my own and travel) and do not hate my roots for the restrictions and harm it has caused me growing up.

Today I am 18.

My love-life is non-existent and I’m not complaining. Every encounter I have had with relationships or crushes has been brutally disappointing. Mostly because my true self is not very compatible with a lot of guys. I have to supress a lot to be in most conventional relationships and it is tiring. I am deciding that I’d rather be alone and know where everyone stands than be with people who don’t really want to know me or care about my well being. I am not an average girl and so I am not settling with an average guy.

Today I am 18.

Only one friend messaged me  remembering this. This would’ve been different if I was still on Facebook but I’m glad I can see who still remembers me. I am not lamenting on my lack of social life and my mother is still pushing me to have a party. But I like it better this way.

Today I am 18.

I  want people to realise that my actions and words are not part of some “awkward-teen” phase. I want the people in my life to see m more for who I truly am and accept it. Accept my decisions and respect me not for my blind obedience but for courage.  Who I am now is who I am becoming.

Today I am 18.

I have so much to experience and this is only the beginning. I hope from now on to experience so much more vibrancy in life. To have a sensual, spiritual experience as I strive for my happiness in being my authentic self.

As I look back on my teen years and childhood, I see one fluid progression. Experience after experience that have made the patchwork of my life; It is beautiful. Despite the pain, terror and darkness sown in, I see light and happiness and laughter in every stitch. I am a girl in progress. I cry because I have overcome a lot and because I have a lot to conquer.

Today I am 18.

 

 

 

How are you FEELING?

This question is weird; most commonly asked if you were sick  or experienced something traumatic, it is notably different from “How are you”. The latter is a formality whereas the former is enquiring on your emotional well-being as well as physical. Theoretically, we should equate the two but then again, most of the times we do not ask to get a deep and personal answer. We ask as part of small talk.

When asked how I was feeling today by my good friend, I responded with “Why”. It’s weird but completely valid. In  a society that cares little about our day-to-day emotional well being and more for images and formalities, my surprise was completely valid.

It caused me to realise that we generally do not enquire honestly for others’ wellbeing and in not answering honestly we continue on the image. It creates the façade that acts as the enemy to authenticity.

In my path in quest of my true self, I have discovered 2 main things.

  1. The more we practice answering truthfully, the easier it is to reveal our feelings to other people. It puts us out of our comfort zone and opens a door to explore our true feelings with someone who may sincerely care and provide a different, enlightening perspective. It’s daunting and practically impossible in the midst of some horrible experiences but we should try if possible .For me it has helped develop deeper emotional connections which will enrich our lives. It has also helped in me be more honest and real.
  2. We have become so conditioned to hearing “fine” we don’t even wait for or register the response anymore. That’s scary. Once I experimentally responded,  ‘I’m not doing well’ to see what one woman would say at church (as it is custom to inquire) and she smiled nodding at me and walked away. She did not even register me answer.

I think it is important that we become more comfortable in revealing our genuine feelings with each other. As covered in other posts it will do us a world of good but I also think it will allow us to broach the harder topics that affect us all. We live in a society where the quickest solution is deemed as the best but it leaves us unfulfilled, empty and alone. Although being open with our own thoughts and emotions leaves us feeling vulnerable, it is important in our personal growth and in making relationships that truly matter. If we all learnt to be more open and accepting of vulnerabilities and shifting mood, we could learn a lot scientifically and personally at how common our feelings are. We would be left feeling less alone.

To my mind, that’s the point of human interaction in a way. To connect; learn from each other through listening, empathising and thus understanding. Asking and answering honestly will changes us all for the better.

 

 

Authenticity

Authentic: from Old French autentique (13c., Modern French authentique) “authentic; canonical,” and directly from Medieval Latin authenticus, from Greek authentikos “original, genuine, principal,” from authentes “one acting on one’s own authority,” from autos “self” (see auto-) + hentes “doer, being,” from PIE *sene- “to accomplish, achieve.” Sense of “entitled to acceptance as factual” is first recorded mid-14c

The first step to bettering ourselves is knowing ourselves. When we live in a more authentic state we realise a lot about our natural humanity. What conflicts and what protects; stripped away will show us what needs acceptance and what needs healing. I don’t know much about how to better yourself. But I’m on a journey of bettering myself and this word is has become my beginning. I came to realise that I have pretended a lot of my life to people; to impress, to protect myself and family. Because the truth is often much messier and too often society and individuals reject those who are too honest as if we do not have failings.

But is this not humanity? No one has perfect lives and the truth can be ugly and destructive but living honestly can help dispel the barriers in society and our own lives and break the images that entrap most of us in a sad pretence. To find real happiness.

To be honest and genuine with yourself takes a lot of heart and soul searching. But to then learn to do so with others who you are not close with takes courage and strength but invariably leads to growth.

This doesn’t mean to be rude. To me it’s more to find people who you connect with and allow yourself to be vulnerable more of the time. People who will help embrace and find beauty in everything that you are. From this point we grow strength to overcome what we personally don’t like or feel we need to change (not what our spouse or religion or society says) and thus grow to realise what and who we need in our lives.

I guess I like authenticity because it presents people as whole human beings. We are not just fragments of images put together but unique and complete person. Imagine if we saw on people’s ‘About’ page their failures and insecurities as well as their achievements. If they posted their bad and mediocre days as well as the highlights. We would being to understand that we are not so different and that it’s okay to feel and be certain things ourselves.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

We are all scared of baring our souls and being rejected or hurt. But I have found that it is important to be a trend setter for change if we want to start anything-even to provoke a thought. Start with the Man in the Mirror and dare to be different. It’s easier said than done but I am doing it so you can too.

I have been called too deep, antisocial and depressing for wanting to strike up a conversation that matters. I get weird looks and people have actually recorded me when I am having an eccentric moment or have a crazy idea that I want to follow through. Another time in my life, it would have really bothered me. Once I really cared what people thought of me. But my acceptance of my true authentic self has helped me to disregard what is normal and be happy in what fufils me.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

If we truly were willing to be vulnerable we would force others to examine their own vulnerabilities and maybe even reveal a bit more of who they truly are.  We have a lot to learn from each other and this is the starting point. I  think it could change the world.

 

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

 

Why I (a generation Y) quit Facebook.

So this is a bit of a rant.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not a credible source of anything. I’m not a Scientist, Psychologist I’m just a student who likes to read and write and so whilst I am not a credible source of information/someone you can quote, my thoughts and views are relevant because I am a human being. They may make you think; which is why I share them.

We all know to some extent the little issues with Facebook but all too often we brush them aside thinking that they’re insignificant and minor but often to our own disadvantage. Because the impact that Facebook actually has on our lives is massive and the problems that it creates are actually too big to ignore. I have been disconnected for nearly a year but then decided to (gasp) re-join and see what’s new.What I found?

  • That nothing/nobody has really changed. People are still posting the same types of passive aggressive posts and filtering their pics to look a little better. I don’t know why I thought things would be different-maybe because we’d grown and experienced a lot of things in those months, those changes would be reflected in what we post. Maybe not…
  • It really has become the perfect platform to project too many biased messages and advertisements. Most of the stuff on there is not made to make us think but to tell us what to think. That’s a dangerous environment to immerse yourself in.
  • There were so many people who added me as a friend yet would not  E V E R talk to me if we crossed paths in the street. If you really want to know what’s going on in my life, let’s grab a coffee and talk. If you don’t really care, then why are we Facebook friends.
  • Everything I said came off very passive aggressive. Often we give a lot of thought and thus change a message we want to share but in doing so lose the authenticity behind our words. Facebook simply didn’t help me be honest.

On that note, Here are the 4 main reasons why I quit Facebook and recommended most people do so too:

  1. The quickest way to get to know someone is not always the best. We too often use Facebook as that starter-pack to see what someone is into, any mutual friends etc. But in face-to-face we learn and share so much more, remember and appreciate so much more about each other.
  2. It has forced me to enrich the relationships I have and that really matter. Quality over Quantity . I realised that 95% of the friends I had on Facebook don’t really care about me. That’s a weird fact I feel as if we all know but in order to fully appreciate that impact on your life, take a break off of it.
  3. It’s draining to keep up with appearances. At least for me. Social Media gives us the opportunity to share our lives but we’ve headed into dangerous territory when we begin to share too much and make our lives interesting for the sake of being able to post it and not just to enjoy it. FB projects the image of ourselves that we want others to see. But slowly many end up trying to live up to that image in real life; many of us lose our authenticity in trying to conform. Drains energy and waaaaay more time than you realise. Time you could be thinking, dreaming, writing, reading, singing, talking, laughing, experiencing and living.
  4. What is the point in having it if you don’t even use it. It is still possible to keep up with world news, watch funny videos, see family and friends’ pictures without having to log into a time-energy draining vortex. If you don’t want to delete it because you’re afraid of seeming like a hipster then that says more about your ideals as a conformist. Just saying.

In the first months I deleted FB it was a weird sensation to take great pictures and realise I don’t have anywhere to post them, get peoples’ approval/opinion or just make it public. It was liberating. Suddenly, I was taking pictures and documenting experiences for my eyes only. As a sentimental person, pictures do mean a lot to me. So I printed them all off (5p per print) and bought an album where I still keep hold of those memories physically. I was still a part of school group chats (on WhatsApp) and (GASP) remembered people’s birthdays. It really wasn’t that hard.

I don’t think that everybody should suddenly quit Facebook. I’m just suggesting everyone try deactivating it for a while and truly realise your dependency on it. Do your own social experiment and see how life changes- you can always go back. If we as individuals and society want to re-discover what’s really important to us, we need to be ready to do what it takes. To disconnect to reconnect. To dare to be different. Why? Because it is when we are stripped of our luxuries to our core, do we realise what really need.

I admit when I first deleted FB I felt a little sad and lonely because I realised I didn’t have that many true friends. (#ForeverAlone)  As someone who values relationships that was deep. But those who were really meant to be in my life stayed and messaged me and that was the greatest thing about deleting my Facebook. Making amazing memories with amazing people and living totally in the moment.

 

 

 

My 2016 Goals

 

The lines between pessimism and optimism are drawn at New Years. On one side are the optimists who make their long list of goals with starry-eyed hope and determination to make this year the one. On the other side are the pessimists, those who know the whole ‘new year, new me, she-bang is a waste of time and so cynically watch the optimists fork out large amounts of money for that shiny new gym membership. So where do I stand?

As you can kind of tell from the title, I lie in the middle of this.

I am firm believer in using goals to pull you through change and ignite personal growth. As human beings, it is important to have things that draw us to step outside our comfort zone, challenge and excite us. The problem is that in our deadline-obsessed society, the last thing we want to do when we come home is do something else that feels like work for a goal we don’t really need to achieve. So we spend year after crummy year living relatively the same life with little growth, our creativity and inspiration slowly withering and our personal growth grinds to halt. W h a t   a  l I f e.

I think it boils down 2 main things:

  • How much do you want this thing? Is it something that you’re really willing to do something for or is it just a wish? ( I want abs but I don’t think I willing to give up my semi-balanced diet for them just yet- happy with my muffin top lol)
  • Why do you really want it? What do you aim to learn/teach yourself? When we ground goals with underlying personal growth, I’ve been more inclined to do it.

What’s my goal system you ask?After assessing and shortlisting goals according to the criteria above,  I make a list of goals I want to achieve in the short term- maximum 6 Months (could be summer goals or school goals etc.) and make a plan in my diary of what to do to achieve them. I keep them relatively simply yet challenging enough  and track my progress via journaling and a big calendar on the back of my door. I review often but at the same time I am lenient with myself when I miss a mini goal.

All in all, if  a goal that is worth pursuing in your life then you won’t even wait till New Years to do it. Make your goals a little silly, a little exciting and just try it out.

A goal without a plan is just a wish

My 2016 Goals (At least till June’s Review):

  • Write 4 Blog posts per month
  • Post a You Tube Video weekly
  • Finish one of my short story and submit it in a
  • Host a Carboot Sale
  • Journal
  • Laugh More
  • Run A Marathon

If you follow me on YouTube (and on here) I haven’t been hot on that posting but I’m hoping to change that! I still have yet to finish that story but at least I’m journallying (for the most part). I have time and determination and combined a little bit of creativity there is no reason why you or I should not achieve the goals we set ourselves and become wiser creatures because of it.